channels

there has always been something about dancing that has resonated with me, yesterday i discovered what that was. it gives me a way to deal with my emotional intensity, you have to get to know me before you know this about me. the thing with dance that makes it different for me is that it gives me a direct way to deal with my emotions. if i am feeling a certain way than i do a certain type of dance. it is really simple actually.

yoga is great too, but the vancouver yoga scene is so rigid. whenever i am in a class i get so excited to do yoga, the instructor tells you to reach your hands to towards to ceiling and it is my favorite thing. i am literally at this point about to explode with excitement. i look around me but no one else seems to really get it. it was really enlightening for me to do yoga in LA for my training because it helped to to realise that in vancouver we really need to lighten up about our practice. i told this idea to monica last night and she laughed at me when i told her my favorite yoga move was to lift my hands to the sky. :) its true though.

back to dancing. the reason that i came to this conclusion about dance helping me to deal with my emotional intensity was from my day yesterday. on friday night i didnt go to bed until 4:30am, and then i promptly woke up at 10:30am. unable to fall back alseep i sat on my couch and let time pass until noon, at which point i decided that i should go to the farmers market. at the market i was still in a daze, i bought an iced chai and egg. i couldnt bring myself to get anything else, i was having serious trouble functioning. afterwards i went home and watched dance videos, and decided that i needed to go to a dance class. i just needed to get out of the house. that class was the only one offered at the time an intro to jazz technique, it was kinda boring at times but fun when we did choreography. when i was done the class i just felt like i needed to keep dancing, i couldnt cus the classes cost $18 each, so i though about it instead. i am sure that i was in a daze on my trip home, lost completely in my head. i dont know if that story has any relevance to you, but to me it really helped me realise where my emotions for dancing came from.

:)

change

i think that i am one of the minority in the world who loves change. generally i cant stay at one thing for too long, right now i am trying to immerse myself completely in yoga. i have just done a purge of my room, completely reorganized it so that i can now study on my days off instead of.....well i am not really sure what i did. whenever i need to make a change in my life or get better focus, i reorganize my room or clean my house. this time during my purge/cleansing i have decided that i am going to make a map of what i want to do. there is a rather large mirror in my room right now. i found it on the side of the road and decided to take it home with me, much like zazue my stray cat that my family adopted. this is a new thing for me, a mirror in my bedroom. i dont think i have had one in my room since grade 9. also another thing for those that dont know me, is i enjoy poetry and art and in my old room at my parents home i would write poems all over my wall in permanent marker. well i am renting this space so i cant do that, but, i can get mirror markers to write on my adopted mirror. :)

i am very excited for this project. generally i get excited about projects and then dont follow through with them. this time i m going to because it is going to be a map of things that i love and how i want my life to be. i dont know what your thoughts are on the matter but that has given me lots of motivation to continue through with this idea. also, my inability to complete things is what i dislike most about my personality. i figure if i can master that than i can take over the world. how, do you ask am i going to do that? well let me tell you, by meditating. i honestly think that if i can get some control over my mind than i will have a better chance at life in general. it will bring me focus, calm, some time away from people, an opportunity to clear my thoughts of the ones that go through the race track every day.