Idana

I thought that maybe I should write something after my last post, so that those who do read this blog and I havent seen in a while know that I am fine. I had a really amazing weekend actually when I wrote my last post. Not amazing in the sense that Lindy Bout is but amazing because I learnt some really important things about myself. So yes it was diffucult and there is no need to worry. Because I know that all of you my adoring fans are concerned about me. :)

I feel really fortunate actually, I had an experience at yoga last week that made me feel that way. It is the simple things in life that can really impact us. After class one of my students had informed me that she had gone to Banyen Book, a wonderful store if you have never gone. She bought 'Goddess Cards' there, which I assume would be like tarot cards....? Anyways I picked one out of the deck and it was suprisingly relevant to my life. I got the goddess Idana, she is the goddess of love, youth and beauty (I am okay with being known for that) and the imagery that surounds her are apples and gardens. In fact her whole thing is tending to and growing your garden. It took me a while to realise that, that is exacatly what I am doing right now. I am growingmy skills, going to SFU, applying for Langara, working with teh Dusty Crew, thinking of applying for clown school. So many exciting opportunities exist for me right now, and I am in the financial situation to make them a reality and more importantly i have the time!

So I am very excited right now about all these possibilities thank you universe for making them possible. The next two years are going to be able learning for me. I still have the ups and downs of student life but the over all image really works for me. :)

I ran to the tower where the church bells chime, I hoped that they would clear my mind

There is this illusion around town about me. Even my closest friends are suspect to it, no one really knows about it and when they find out often the react in disbelief. For some reason people think that I am infallible and that I am incapable of an emotion other than happy or joy that I am completely content in my life. I hesitate at this point because I wonder if sending my words out into the internet really will serve any good. I am not looking for sympathy or false affections, because those will disappear. You tell someone that you are sad and they comfort you for a short time and then life resumes as normal. I just wish that people would stop creating this person that does not exist and putting me in her place.

There are a few people, my parents, Jenn, that understand. They are both away right now and I seem to not be able to hold in my emotions at the moment. In fact I cried three times today. I know it is shocking, Claudia does not cry. She is always happy and busy, doing the things that she loves, she is going somewhere in life.

Yes I am sad right now, in case you have not figured that out by now.

I guess I perpetuate the myth. I do not mind being viewed as this fictional person that people believe me to be.

See at this point I wonder if there is a point to this post. When you need love it is hard to come by.