Wednesday, June 24, 2009

in our imaginations we believe that love is apart from us. actually there is nothing but love, once we are ready to accept it. - deepak chopra

so today i asked someone to be my mentor and i found a place that offers vipassana meditation in vancouver. i feel like it has been successful so far. the woman that i asked to be my mentor is marita weiser a yoga instructor with a studio out in white rock who lives in yaletown half the time and drives her motor cycle between to two. she used to live in alberta and work for corperate starbucks, the bakery section. it was a family buisness and as people can imagine working for coperate anything is stressfull let alone starbucks, how much money do they bring in during the year? how many starbucks' can be found on robson street alone, not even the rest of vacouver, or the world. her husbands family buisness was incharge of providing all the baked goods for starbuck coffee houses across this land of canada. so what i guess i am trying to say is that she was stressed out. i would be. the only time that she got any freedom was when she would do yoga for 30mins each day. eventually she told her husband that she wanted to become a yoga instructor. he told her that she could do it without him. so with all of the things she owned in a backback she showed up on her mothers door step, did her training and opened a studio. now this isnt my story it is hers, i am just telling what i can remember from talking with her. the important part, not her background, is how inspiring she is. i remember going to her class and thinking, who is this person? she blew me away, before each class she did a little yoga philosophy lesson, teaching her students about ahimsa, non violence, for example. i had never heard of people doing that before. she is a natural teacher, i think, and everytime i talk with her i just want to meld our brains together so that i can learn everything she knows. i hope that we can make it work for her to mentor me. i am not really sure how we would make it work or what would happen but even the possibiliy would help me.

the more i teach yoga the more i realise i need to learn, the more that need to practice to keep my body healthy. i think that i am close to injuring my back, i need to be careful. i dont meditate at all. i mean maybe 5mins here and there but consistantly, no. to be a student of yoga there is so much that you need to learn. you never stop becoming a student. i am not very good at self directed study and if i am going to give this a good run, i need someone to help me out.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Those who are dead are not dead, They're just living in my head

So last night I went to go see the Coldplay concert, I went in without expectations. I wasn't really even sure what music was thiers or not. I was blown out of the water, it was the best show that I have ever seen. I am also really impressed by their lyrics, when I listen to music the thing that really gets me ever single time are the lyrics. I really enjoy slow, sad songs. Even though I am generally a happy person. I think it might be that time of the month, because I am very emotional right now and I can not stop listening to music. At the show they gave a free CD to everyone who came, they sold out two nights at GM place 14000 people at each show. There are three songs in particular that I really like. My blog has turned into a lyrics page.

The Hardest Part
And the hardest part
Was letting go, not taking part
Was the hardest part

And the strangest thing
Was waiting for that bell to ring
It was the strangest start

I could feel it go down
Bittersweet, I could taste in my mouth
Silver lining the cloud
Oh and I
I wish that I could work it out

And the hardest part
Was letting go, not taking part
You really broke my heart

And I tried to sing
But I couldn’t think of anything
And that was the hardest part

I could feel it go down
You left the sweetest taste in my mouth
You're a silver lining the clouds
Oh and I
Oh and I
I wonder what it’s all about
I wonder what it’s all about

Everything I know is wrong
Everything I do, it's just comes undone
And everything is torn apart

Oh and it’s the hardest part
That’s the hardest part
Yeah that’s the hardest part
That’s the hardest part


42
Those who are dead are not dead
They're just living in my head
And since I fell for that spell
I am living there as well
Oh..

Time is so short and I'm sure
There must be something more

Those who are dead are not dead
They're just living in my head oh
And since I fell for that spell
I am living there as well oh

Time is so short and I'm sure
There must be something more

You thought you might be a ghost
You thought you might be a ghost
You didn't get to heaven but you made it close
You didn't get to heaven but you made it close

You thought you might be a ghost
You thought you might be a ghost
You didn't get to heaven but you made it close
You didn't get to heaven but you oh oh
Oh oh

Those who are dead are not dead
They're just living in my head
Oh..

Fix You
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
COULD IT BE WORSE?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

What, draw, and talk of peace?

I stole these from Dusty, I can not claim any hard work other than copy and pasting. However I liked them and wanted to pass them on. My favorite two are the first and last.

Life had offered these people its lips, but as they dragged from party to party, seeing the same faces and saying the same things night after night, I saw it was the kiss of death; I saw how much was enervated and useless in them. What passion or desire or hunger did they have as they lounged in their London living rooms? -- The Buddha of Suburbia / Hanif Kureishi

[Imagination]...You would suppose that it imparted some glad hope to spring, some fine charm to summer, some tranquil joy to autumn, some consolation to winter, which you do not feel. An illusion, of course; but the fanatics cling to their dream, and would not give it up for gold. -- Shirley // Charlotte Bronte

Marriage! I cannot bear the word: it sounds so silly and utopian. I have settled it decidedly that marriage and love are superfluities, intended only for the rich, who live at ease, and have no need to take thought for the morrow; or desperations - the last and reckless joy of the deeply wretched, who never hope to rise out of the slough of their utter poverty. -- Shirley // Charlotte Bronte

They are great fools for their pains. For those who are not hungry, it is easy to palaver about the degradation of charity, and so on; but they forget the brevity of life, as well as its bitterness. We have none of us long to live. Let us help each other through seasons of want and woe as well as we can, without heeding in the least the scruples of vain philosophy -- Shirley // Charlotte Bronte

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

phenomenal woman

One thing that I really like about being a woman, is our ability to group together to help one another. For some reason that is not as common with men, I am not sure the reason why, what programing we have given them to make it difficult for them to open up to each other. The reason that I make this comparison is because a friend of mind was very recently diagnosed with breast cancer. It is a little unreal to tell you the truth. The first thing that came to my mind as I listened to her message was, what can I do to help, how can I support her. When you look at all the things that are done to raise awareness for breast cancer it is overwhelming. The weekend to end breast cancer, countless runs, free examinations given by doctors. However when you look at prostate cancer there is much less awareness, smaller events. Maybe I am not as aware of them because I am female and I dont put my attention there. I am not so sure though.

Recently I have also become closer with my friend Sherry, I have found in her a good companion. Whenever we hang out we end up on crazy adventures where everything is fun. When it is just the two of us on these adventures we always end up in the most interesting conversations. She knows so much about me in the short time that we have been friends. She was one of the people that went to see Ruthie Foster and the Blind Boys of Alabama with me. Ruthie sang this song and it is the title for this post, Phenomenal Woman based on a poem by Maya Angelou. It is a really beautiful song. I am a lyrics person, I love the poetry that is offered to us through the vibration of music. I think that it is the most powerful thing ever. Ruthie Foster also happens to have one of the most beautiful soulful spiritual voices ever, which helps.


Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.

I say,It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.

I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.

Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say, It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.

When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say, It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.

When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say, It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

numbers, bodies, and waste

There is so much to learn in this world, i am not sure if one could ever stop being a student. Today I spent my day at home, it is a beautiful sunny day, I could have very easily called up a friend and gotten a tan. Instead I stayed at home and read. I woke up and read two chapters on financial analysis, skipped over to my yoga text learning about vinyasa flow, began compiling a list of yoga studios in Vancouver, and then spent the last hour reading about public relations and the environment. I still dont feel like I have learned any significant amount about any of the topics and if they came up in conversation I probably wouldn't have the courage to add my voice to the debate.

Although I am glad that I pushed through and worked all day, regardless of the sunshine. The reason, that I changed topics throughout the day was because I began hitting a mental wall that so often blocks my will. I had to do something different to keep my brain engaged. Also at what point are you able to figure out who you can trust. I came across the blog of a friend of mine, her name is meesa, we went to high school together. She has done some really amazing things with her life so far. It makes me feel a little silly that I spend all my time dancing around the world and not working on protecting human and environmental rights. Although I have had a very good time in my short life so far. :) I do trust her, maybe because I have known her forever? or maybe because she writes well? There are a few other people whose opinion I trust.

I think that it is funny because, I can feel physically in my body when something isnt right, but, who am I to think that my opinion is the correct one. I know this because I have some very high energy discussions with my family members and other people that I know who believe that their opinion is correct. When we have conversations both sides are so bull headed, that I am sure no opinion was swayed and no one actually heard what the other was trying to say. My family is full of passionate people.

I am not sure what to write that can bring closure to this post. I think I am curious what people think of as true and why is your opinion is the one you have adopted.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

another one down for the count

I ran into Andre again this week, if you didnt read my other post he is a homeless man who plays wonderful music. Anyways he told me his favorite song on his sound track, number 10 (it doesnt have a name i dont think), it is about his exwife. I know that you can not understand how great the song is by reading the lyrics but I want to share them anyways:

You’re the reason for this broken heart,
Hard to believe we fell apart,
But if there is no love within a life,
So lets just kiss and say goodbye.

I wish the best will come to you,
I hope all of your dreams come true,
I’ll wipe the tears and move on down,
Another life another town.

But its not the end,
Gotta keep on going my friend,
Cus tomorrow is a brand new day.
Try and smile again even if you think you cant,
and listen cant you hear that music play,
listen cant you hear the music play.

Such a high price we have to pay,
I keep remembering every day,
It takes a while to ease the pain,
Some times you think you go insane.

Still I wish the best will come to you,
I hope all of your dreams come true,
I’ll wipe the tears and move on down,
Another life another town.

But its not the end,
Gotta keep on going my friend,
Cus tomorrow is a brand new day.
Try and smile again even if you think you cant,
and listen cant you hear that music play,
listen cant you hear the music play.

No, its not the end,
You gotta keep on going my friend,
Cus tomorrow is a brand new day.
Try and smile again even if you think you cant,
and listen cant you hear that music play,
listen cant you hear that the music play.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Proudest Monkey

I feel like there is a weight in my brain, holding me down. I am trying to make change and harness the energy of 'doing' that is supposed to be floating around this month. It is difficult. Once you have decided what you want to work on, how do you go about accomplishing your goals? Esspecially when my brain has decided that it is finished for the day. I dont know if you know what I am talking about, it might be the time of the day, 3pm, I am not sure. I did accomplish a lot today, Meditated, Yoga, ready 30plus pages in my work book, did the dishes, looked up phone plans, paid my visa bill. I just feel like my body is ready to take on the challenge of a full day but at some point my brain crashes, I can not focus and concentrate. Maybe I will go for a bike ride?

I went swimming last night and it was wonderful, Sherry showed me how. I am not a very strong swimmer, at all. The thing that I am afraid of in swimming is the breathing, what happens if you get a cramp or can not longer carry yourself? You just sink to the bottom of the pool? I know their are lifeguards but that is embarrassing. When swimming you need to focus on your breath, inhaling and then exhaling for double the amount of your inhale. You think I would be good at this because I do yoga, but long exhales have always been my downfall. I found this quote today in my studies:

"When you inhale God moves toward you, when you pause, you embrace God. When you exhale, you move toward God. When you pause at the end of your exhalation, you surrender to God." - Krishnamacharya

I really liked it, I feel like it accuratly decribes the difficulties that we as humans (or maybe just me) have with breath. Inhaling is the easiest part, we need oxygen to live, and I feel like God is more willing to come to us than we are to go to him. Pausing after the inhale, it just feels really good to be full of oxygen, I am not sure why, maybe it is because we are embrasing God? Exhalation, I am fearfull when exhaling, initially it is easy but then it slowly becomes harder, you get to a point when you feel like you need to inhale or else you will die or worse pass out? I am not sure. It gets the panic meter up that is for sure. Moving towards God is hard, because of our walls and then surrendering, holding that exhale before you inhale might as well be surrendering to God because you need to overcome some serious challenges to make that happen.

I feel like this post is kind of disjointed, sorry about that. I am having trouble collecting my thoughts, like I said at the beginning of my post. On a side note I did a bunch of sun salutations today and it we wonderful, my nose cleared from all the gunk and I just moved with my breath.

Friday, June 5, 2009

street Truth

I am really starting to appreciate the homeless people in our city, since I began my employment at Public Outreach. I was working in Gastown this past Thursday and a man named Andre was sitting on the same corner as me on Water and Cambie. This man inspired me so much. He played music for me until 2pm when I went on my lunch break. Hugging his guitar with his head rested against the side of it, eyes closed, the music he was making and his guitar were as much apart of him as our breath leads us through each day. Today I was at Grandville Island and there was a man, not homeless, well dress with multiple CDs playing for the people walking by. Compared to Andre he was nothing.

I started to get frustrated with all the people walking past, ignoring Andre. They couldnt open up there ear or eyes long enough to the surroundings around them to notice the beautiful music that encompassed this kind man. I spent a good amount of time talking with him, I even bought a CD from him for $10 ($5 went to purchasing the CD, $3 was donated to Union Gospel Mission, $2 profit). He lives in a home that costs $375 per month without a window or plumbing that works. I don't know what it was about Andre that captured me, I felt so drawn to this beautiful soul. Unlike many of the people that we see on the streets who have mental disabilities, Andre seemed coherent, intelligent and completely aware of his surroundings. Trust me I have talked to enough now to understand that Andre had the majority of his marbles.

I really think that we as a society need to start listening to the intelligence of the people around us and learning from that. We rely too much on books, websites or pieces of paper to inform us of our intelligence. What ever happened to just talking to people and learning from then, it seems that people only accept something as fact if they see it written down somewhere. That silly printing press is making a wreck of oral traditions. Maybe it frustrates me because I feel like much of my intelligence has come from experience and people. The majority of the time people dont take that seriously and will give something that is written the title of Truth. I feel like now that I have written Truth down I shouldnt have, it can open a big can of worms. Truth.