Proudest Monkey

I feel like there is a weight in my brain, holding me down. I am trying to make change and harness the energy of 'doing' that is supposed to be floating around this month. It is difficult. Once you have decided what you want to work on, how do you go about accomplishing your goals? Esspecially when my brain has decided that it is finished for the day. I dont know if you know what I am talking about, it might be the time of the day, 3pm, I am not sure. I did accomplish a lot today, Meditated, Yoga, ready 30plus pages in my work book, did the dishes, looked up phone plans, paid my visa bill. I just feel like my body is ready to take on the challenge of a full day but at some point my brain crashes, I can not focus and concentrate. Maybe I will go for a bike ride?

I went swimming last night and it was wonderful, Sherry showed me how. I am not a very strong swimmer, at all. The thing that I am afraid of in swimming is the breathing, what happens if you get a cramp or can not longer carry yourself? You just sink to the bottom of the pool? I know their are lifeguards but that is embarrassing. When swimming you need to focus on your breath, inhaling and then exhaling for double the amount of your inhale. You think I would be good at this because I do yoga, but long exhales have always been my downfall. I found this quote today in my studies:

"When you inhale God moves toward you, when you pause, you embrace God. When you exhale, you move toward God. When you pause at the end of your exhalation, you surrender to God." - Krishnamacharya

I really liked it, I feel like it accuratly decribes the difficulties that we as humans (or maybe just me) have with breath. Inhaling is the easiest part, we need oxygen to live, and I feel like God is more willing to come to us than we are to go to him. Pausing after the inhale, it just feels really good to be full of oxygen, I am not sure why, maybe it is because we are embrasing God? Exhalation, I am fearfull when exhaling, initially it is easy but then it slowly becomes harder, you get to a point when you feel like you need to inhale or else you will die or worse pass out? I am not sure. It gets the panic meter up that is for sure. Moving towards God is hard, because of our walls and then surrendering, holding that exhale before you inhale might as well be surrendering to God because you need to overcome some serious challenges to make that happen.

I feel like this post is kind of disjointed, sorry about that. I am having trouble collecting my thoughts, like I said at the beginning of my post. On a side note I did a bunch of sun salutations today and it we wonderful, my nose cleared from all the gunk and I just moved with my breath.